We've seen scores of toxic behaviors that push people away from each other. And we’ve witnessed the devastation these behaviors cause – to relationships, professional success, and to the well-being of both the individual behaving negatively, and to everyone in their life.
Showing posts with label LIFE HACKS. Show all posts
Best 7 Ways to Bounce Back from Life’s Inevitable Setbacks
Ways to Bounce Back from Life’s Inevitable Setbacks
The good news, for all of us: there’s hope. Over the past decade Angel and I have worked with thousands of people all over the globe who, like us, struggle with setbacks of varying degrees. Through our work, we’ve learned a lot about what works and what doesn’t when it comes to bouncing back and making progress. So today, I hope I can save you some trouble…
Here’s what works:
1. Accept reality and detach from fantasies.
There are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.
To move forward in any situation, you must first accept the reality of what it is. This acceptance provides you with an important starting point from which you can move in any direction you choose. To deny this reality or to fight against the past will merely waste your time and energy. To wish that things were different, or to pretend that they are, gets you nowhere.
Acceptance is letting go and allowing things to be the way they truly are. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about improving the realities of life – it’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself in the present moment. This simple understanding is the foundation of acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be peace and growth in your life.
Forgiveness is a big part of this process. Forgiveness is the acceptance of the present moment, as it is, without attachment to any other time, place or circumstance. Almost all negativity is caused by a lack of forgiveness and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, guilt, tension, stress, worry, and resentment – all forms of unhealthy attachment – are caused by too much past or future, and not enough presence.
2. Embrace who you are and all your humanness.
Self-doubt plagues us because we desperately want to be somebody we’re not. I often want to be perfectly disciplined, for example, and when I’m not I come down hard on myself. The key, I’ve found, is to remind myself that although not perfect, the person I am is pretty darn great. I just need to embrace the reality that I’m not always as disciplined as I’d like to be. And I also need to remember that I have had many successes in my life. (Just like YOU.)
So I challenge you to walk beside me on this journey…
Accept your humanness. You can stop pretending. It feels good to own up to stuff – to admit that you’re human – a work in progress – a beautiful mess. Wanting to be someone or something else is a waste of your beauty. You’re fine. If you feel like you aren’t, you’re blowing things out of proportion. Having a little anxiety is fine. Making mistakes is fine. Being a little fearful is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re a good person. You’re intelligent. You’re fine just the way you are.
3. Allow yourself to feel emotional pain, so you can grow beyond it.
Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional when life knocks you down hard. There’s no reason to be ashamed for feeling something or for expressing pain if it’s real to you. It’s a sign that you have a big heart, and that you aren’t afraid to be honest about it. Showing your emotions is a sign of human strength. The people who judge you for being human, and not being modest, emotionless, and “in line,” are the ones who need to apologize.
By trying to hide your pain, and not wanting to feel bad, you make your bad feelings worse. But by allowing yourself to feel bad, and realizing we all feel bad sometimes, you give yourself space to deal with the truth. So give yourself this space, and embrace it. Too many people want to feel happy all the time, and positive every single second, but that’s not reality. We all feel bad sometimes, and that’s OK. When you accept this, and embrace the growing pains of living, you rise above the pain. It happens, then it fades, and you’re stronger than you were before.
4. Remind yourself that everything in life is temporary.
Your big breakthrough will come when you recognize that all your inadequacies, all your limitations, and all your failings, losses and setbacks, are only temporary. And once they pass in the real world, they’re prolonged existence is simply an artificial reality you cling to with your thoughts.
Yes, there may be pain and uncertainty for a while, but it never lasts forever. Time heals. Even when Angel and I unexpectedly lost loved ones to illnesses, feelings of depression would come and go for months, but eventually it went away. It’s easy to get caught up in a bad situation and think, “The world is over!” But actually, this bad feeling and situation are just passing clouds. They’re just part of an ever-changing experience, and while it’s not always pleasant, it will pass like everything else has passed. Life doesn’t stop for anyone.
So don’t allow your temporary wounds to permanently transform you into someone you aren’t. A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry. A strong person is the one who cries for a moment openly, and then gets up and fights again for what they believe in.
5. Find gratitude in the present moment.
This always sounds at bit cliché – promoting gratitude as a universal solution – but the reason it’s always mentioned is because it works. Every time.
Even after a loved one passes, the actual present reality of our lives without this loved one isn’t unbearable unless we compare it to the impossible fantasy of them still being alive. The reality is, we still have our own lives and our health and passions to explore… we still have other wonderful family members and friends who love us… and that’s just the start of things to be grateful for. Now, this reality isn’t always full of happiness – sometimes it has unpleasantness – but you can embrace that too, instead of wishing it matched up with a stressful fantasy.
So keep your head up. Take a deep breath and be grateful for everything that remains and everything that’s growing stronger in your life. When it feels like everything is falling apart, remind yourself that you can either let it define you, destroy you, or let it strengthen you.
When you finally let go of what did or didn’t happen, something equally as amazing comes along. And oftentimes what you’re looking for comes when you’re not looking at all. Gratitude will help you discover it.
6. Clear the unnecessary clutter and complications standing in your way.
As Einstein once said, “Out of clutter, find simplicity; from discord, find harmony; in the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.”
Sometimes we make life more complicated than it is. We attach our happiness to achievement and then look for it in all the wrong ways and in all the wrong places. Of course, you don’t have to live like this. If you feel like you are, it’s time to simplify things. It’s time to clear the air and get back to the basics.
Simplifying is not seeing how little you can get by with – that’s poverty – but how efficiently you can put first things first, and use your time accordingly to pursue the things that make a difference and mean the most to you. Less truly is more. Instead of adding, improve your life by subtracting. Get rid of unnecessary clutter, negative influences and toxic relationships. There’s a big difference between what you want and what you need, between what’s excessive and what’s essential.
7. Reach out and help people.
Our setbacks are often mostly about us, wallowing in our own self-pity. This doesn’t sound great, but we all do it almost every day to a small extent without noticing it. When you catch yourself doing this, know that the best antidote is to get outside yourself, stop being self-centered, and re-focus on the people around you. Try to find a way to help someone else. It will inevitably, infallibly, make you feel better.
When we realize that helping others is the key to realizing our own happiness, it saves us a lot of trouble.
Truth be told, the closest thing to being cared for is to care for others. We are all in this together and we should treat each other as such. Use your voice for kindness, your ears for compassion, and your hands for charity, always. No exercise is better for your heart and mind than reaching down and helping others up. Happiness and success in life doesn’t come through selfishness, but through selflessness. The best way to feel alive on down days is to get up and do something positive for the folks around you.
And remember, you don’t need a reason to help someone. Just do it. The reason will come to you.
The 30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself
Best 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind
These questions have no right or wrong answers.
Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.
- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
- Which is worse, failing or never trying?
- If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
- When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
- What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
- If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
- Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
- If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
- To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
- Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
- You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
- If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
- Would you break the law to save a loved one?
- Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
- What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
- How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
- What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
- Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
- If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
- Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
- Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
- Why are you, you?
- Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
- Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
- What are you most grateful for?
- Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
- Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
- Has your greatest fear ever come true?
- Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
- What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
- At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
- If not now, then when?
- If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
- Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
- Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
- Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
- If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
- Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
- Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
- When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
- If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
- Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
- What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
- When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
- If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
- What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
- When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
- What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
- In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
- Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
Please share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.
Top 10 Things You Must Give Up to Get Yourself Back on Track
Things You Must Give Up to Get Yourself Back on Track
- Give up pretending that you have to be who you used to be. – When times get tough, our worst battle is often between what we remember and what we presently feel. Thus, one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make is when to stay put and struggle harder or when to take your memories and move on. Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you are capable of being, and the person you truly are today.
- Give up berating yourself for everything you aren’t. – Being kind to yourself in thoughts, words and actions is as important as being kind to others. Extend yourself this courtesy. Love yourself – your real self. Work through your fears (dive deep), your insecurities (speak honestly and loudly), and your anger (scream into the pillow – not into the mirror, nor the people you care about; they don’t deserve it.) Instead of hurting yourself by hiding from your problems, help yourself grow beyond them. That’s what self-care is all about. It’s about facing the inner issues that make you believe that you are less than you are. It’s learning to see that you are already beautiful. Not because you’re blind to your shortcomings, but because you know they have to be there to balance out your strengths.
- Give up regretting, and holding on to, what happened in the past. – When you stay stuck in regret of the life you think you should have had, you end up missing the beauty of what you do have. Not all the puzzle pieces of life will seem to fit together at first, but in time you’ll realize they do, perfectly. So thank the things that didn’t work out, because they just made room for the things that will. And thank the ones who walked away from you, because they just made room for the ones who won’t. As they say, every new beginning comes from another beginning’s end.
- Give up getting caught up in the negativity surrounding you. – To be positive in negative times is not just foolish optimism. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of tragedy, but also of success, sacrifice, courage, kindness, and growth. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine how well we live. If we look only for the worst, it destroys our capacity to do our best work. If we remember those times and places – and there are many – in which people have behaved magnificently, and things have gone well, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to sit around and wait for some grandiose and perfect future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live right now as we think we should live, in defiance of all the negativity around us, is in itself an amazing victory.
- Give up thinking that everyone else has it so much easier than you. – When times get really tough, remember this simple truth: Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy. And when you’re struggling with something that’s important to you, and you feel like your life isn’t fair, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through.
- Give up wanting to be where others are in life. – Stop comparing where you’re at with where everybody else is. It doesn’t move you farther ahead, improve your situation, or help you find happiness. It just fuels feelings of inadequacy and shame, and ultimately keeps you stuck. The truth is, there is no one correct path in life. A path that’s right for someone else won’t necessarily be a path that’s right for you. And that’s OK. Your journey isn’t right or wrong, or good or bad – it’s just different. Your life isn’t meant to look exactly like anyone else’s because you aren’t exactly like anyone else. You’re a person all your own with a unique set of goals, obstacles, dreams, and needs. So stop comparing and start living. You may not always end up where you intend to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time, right now. And trust yourself to make the best of it.
- Give up letting the judgments of strangers control you. – People know your name, not your story. They’ve heard what you’ve done, but don’t understand what you’ve been through. So take their opinions of you with a grain of salt. In the end, it’s not what others think, it’s what you think about yourself that counts. Sometimes you have to do exactly what’s right for you and your life, without giving a darn what your life looks like to everyone who doesn’t even know you.
- Give up letting toxic relationships bring you down on a daily basis. – Not all toxic relationships are agonizing and uncaring on purpose. Some of them involve people who care about you – people who have good intentions, but are toxic because their needs and way of existing in the world force you to compromise yourself and your happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people to be spending time with every day. And as hard as it is, we have to distance ourselves enough to give ourselves space to live. You simply can’t ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself.
- Give up over-thinking and worrying about everything. – When your fears and anxieties have you looking too deep into things, it creates problems – it doesn’t fix them. If you think and you think and you think, you will think yourself right out of happiness a thousand times over, and never once into it. Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential. And life is too short for that.
- Give up believing you aren’t strong enough to take another step forward. – It’s always possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems. In time, the grief (the lessons) may not go away completely, but after awhile it’s not so overwhelming. So breathe… You’re going to be OK. Remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and restless and afraid, and you’ve survived. Take another breath and know that you can survive this time too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and draining, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon they’re going to fade, and when they do you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.
Out Of Thoughts
I want to riff on the final point just a bit more…
Because the truth is, you have to KNOW that YOU ARE strong enough to take another step forward, every single day. Feeling otherwise is just that – a feeling, not a fact!
8 Ways to Free Your Mind and Take Back Control of Your Life!!
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds! Since we were born, our minds have been gradually programmed by our surroundings and by society at large. As we grow, evolve and awaken to this reality, we learn that it is in our best interests to uninstall some of this programming and take back control of our minds. What are we taking control back from,
7 Rituals You Should Steal from Extremely Creative People!!!!
7 Things Happy, Healthy People Do Every Morning!!!
When you get up in the morning, think of what a priceless privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to learn, to love – and then make the day count! The morning is extremely important. It is the foundation from which the day is built. How you choose to spend your morning can be used to
First 10 Great Privileges We Forget to Be Thankful For In Life!! (Bonus Article Written By Patrick)
Wealth is the ability to fully experience life
Top50 Ways to Nurture Your Happiness!!
Decide to be happy. It’s good for your health.
The happiest people I know appreciate what Top 10 Choices You Won’t Regret in 10 Years!!
I don’t regret the things I’ve done.
I regret the things I didn’t do when I had the chance.
In the end, more than anything else, we regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were too afraid to have, and the decisions I regret the things I didn’t do when I had the chance.
Top 25 Things to Remember When Life Gets Rough.
Oftentimes things have to go wrong in order
Evergreen 9 Good Reminders that Will Change the Way You Think
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
― Albert Einstein
“This morning, nearly five years after my
― Albert Einstein
Top 10 Toxic Behaviors that Kill Your Confidence.
- Getting caught up in lots of needless drama. – Some people love to stir up controversy and drama for no apparent reason. Don’t buy in to their propaganda. Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own. Instead, imagine what would happen if you spent this entire day, and every day hereafter, with all your energy directed toward your most positive possibilities. Rather than being
First 12 Promises You Should Make to Yourself and Keep Forever!
When you become your own best friend, life is easier.
Life is not all rainbows and butterflies. It can be tough sometimes. And you’ve paid a heavy price to get this far, so the best option is to really make it count by moving forward from where you are. Free yourself from the world’s negativity – from the sources of ignorance Top 10 Most Important Questions You Can Ask Yourself Today!
At the end of the day, the questions we ask ourselves determine the type of people we become.
When you’ve been running a successful personal development blog and life coaching business for the better part of a decade, one thing becomes crystal clear:Everyone has the same basic wants and needs.
Top 20 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough.
Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.
Truth be told, you can’t berate yourself into a better version of yourself. And even though I know this, I sometimes still fall victim to my own negative thinking. Sometimes I’m downright rude to myself. I make a mistake, or fall short of my own expectations, and instead of treating it as a learning opportunity, I beat myself up about it.
15 Quotes To Inspire You To Greatness in 2014
Sometimes we need an extra push to follow our dreams in the new year. Great quotes can inspire us, motivate us, and help us get through hard times. In 2014, it’s time to take your career to a whole new level.
more making excuses for why you can’t go after
12 Toxic Behaviors that Push People Away From You
In our line of work, Angel and I hear from hundreds of coaching clients every month. Through this experience, we’ve come across scores of toxic behaviors that push people away from each other. And we’ve witnessed the devastation these behaviors cause – to relationships, to personal and professionalYour behavior is a little thing that makes a big difference.
20 Bad Excuses Holding Good People Back In Life
Over the years, likely without your conscious knowledge, you have adopted self-limiting beliefs that are quietlyLive by choice, not by chance. Make changes, not excuses. Be motivated, not manipulated. Work to excel, not compete. Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else.
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)
